My Super Power

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Green Lantern,  Spiderman, Captain America, do you see where I'm going with this? If not, did you even read the title? Its about super powers!
Everyone wishes they had a superpower right? I know I did, I wanted to be able to fly, read minds, or walk through walls.  I even remember as a child having dreams that I could fly. Granted it was after playing too much Super Mario Bros III and I had a raccoon tail in my dreams but it was still flying.
As an adult the wish for a super power slowly faded and I had more realistic dreams, a great job that pays well, buying a house, getting married. The list goes on.
In the past few months though a super power has finally started to emerge.  I don't remember being bitten by a radio active spider or swimming in some purple ooze but who knows I did sleep walk as a child.  My power is the ability to make people disappear! Ok its not as fantastic as you might think, its actually just making people leave the room.  I'm not even sure how I do it.  Is it body odor? I shower everyday and always remember to use antiperspirant and wear clean clothes.  Do I suck all the fun from a room and people have to escape?
In reality it is likely coincidence and people leave to go upstairs because they already had the idea to do so before I walked into the room.  But while I make my transition into British life I can't help but be over sensitive to the smallest of things. I know it will pass and if not then at least I finally have a superpower.

Love, Marriage, and the 1950s

When I announced to my family I was engaged, I got more congratulations and "we're so proud of you" than I ever received in my life.  Even more than when I graduated with an MA from a British University, or became Assistant Director of a museum.  I'm not saying no one cared about those accomplishments because they did, it just seems as if my engagement brought more happiness than previous accomplishments.  So was getting engaged an accomplishment? I guess at my age and in my particular culture (living behind the Mormon curtain) it was a big accomplishment.  At 37 I was well past my prime of marriage and I'm fairly certain that the majority of my family figured I would spend the rest of my life with a roommate and a house full of cats.  I'm not going to lie I had begun to have doubts myself.  I remember at my brothers wedding standing in the receiving line and every person that came though asked me if I was next. I was in my 20s at the time so there was still hope.  As time marched on the question became less and less frequent, people had given up on the idea that I would ever get married. 

There was a distinct pattern in my hometown of St. Anthony: graduate high school, go to the local college - Ricks College (now Brigham Young University Idaho), date a return missionary, get married, happily ever after.  Maybe my first mistake was not going to Ricks College, I went to Lewis in Clark State College in Northern Idaho where I quickly found out that the profession I should always do was not the one I wanted (elementary school teacher).  I returned a year later and a year after that moved to Pocatello I attend Idaho State University.  I graduation with a BA in Anthropology, my mum, grandparents, uncle Chris, and Aunt Barbara were there to celebrate with me. It was a proud moment for me, one of my proudest, I was the first other than an aunt to have attended and graduate college. By this time I was 21 and still unmarried (gasp!) but maybe there was still hope?

I should mention that the male population of my previous home (Pocatello) had taken no interest in me. Females aren't supposed to make the first move where I'm from, you wait for the guy to ask you out.  You date for a short period (usually a year or less) and then your married and producing offspring. Through my 20s I worked hard, had adventures and enjoyed life, but still no men ever took interest in me.  I was the overweight female friend that guys talked to in order to get to know my skinny attractive friends.  I saw friend after friend date and marry. 

I entered my 30s and submitted to the idea that I would be single forever, so I decided I should focus on a career 100%.  I applied for a MA program at the University of Kent and set off to find myself and further my career.  Imagine my surprise when not even a month into my program and a guy was interested in me. Me! The fat friend! He didn't talk to me to get to my skinny beautiful friends he wanted to get to know me! I was awkward and still unsure that it was real and ended up pushing him away (if you ask him, he will tell you the story of his rejection!) What he didn't understand was that guys never took interest in me for me. I had been taken aback and didn't know how to respond. Besides I had moved to the UK so that I could get a degree, I hadn't planned on falling in love.

But I constantly thought about him, what might have been, and the sadness I felt that I had "rejected" him.  Its not that we didn't see each other because we did, we had the same circle of friends after all and lived in the same University complex. We became friends and spoke now and again, but I always regretted it hadn't become anything more.  University ended and my roommate and I moved to a little house in Wincheap. I got a job at the Cathedral and she got a night job at Sainsburys.  Life went on.  Imagine my surprise when I walked into a friends house and found that same man sitting there on the sofa.  I couldn't stop smiling and we spent the evening talking, laughing, and dancing.  He offered if I ever wanted to get out of Canterbury that I could come to Croydon and spend the day with him.  I decided this time to ignore the fear and take him up on his offer.  A week later I was on a train to Croydon and he met me at the station.  It was an awkward greeting neither of us knowing wether to hug, kiss on the cheek, or shake hands.  It ended up as a half hug/kiss on the cheek.  We had lunch in the pub, and went to the cinema. After we went back to the pub for a drink and he walked me back to the train station. As we walked back to the station he took his hand in mine and the butterflies in my stomach kicked up again and I smiled, he was a hand holder.  Long story short, we fell in love and on 13 March 2017 we were married.

Five and a bit months into marriage and I'm wondering what is a good wife?  

In 1956 a good wife did the following:

Like I said when I announced my engagement my world told me that becoming a wife was the most important thing I had ever done.  So now my quest is: What is a good wife? Should I be doing my husbands laundry for him? Making dinner every night? This part is a bit complicated as we currently live with his parents and older brother and his wife.

It’s a conundrum for sure.

Who should I be looking up to? Who are the modern wives we should model our lives after? Melania Trump? Kim Kardashian? Hillary Clinton? Lord I hope not!  

Marriage is a partnership right? Its full of ups, down, and a lot of confusion.  I've only been married for 5 months and I'm still grappling with the question of how to a wife. 

Here’s what I came up with:

Make where you live a place you want to be.  Do it because it makes the both of you happy and you want to spend time in your home together. For us, its not the whole house but a bedroom. It is our sanctuary where we relax, where we organize our lives. We curl up together to watch a film or spend our time doing that tedious life admin stuff.  

Don't try and control everything.  Let your husband be the one to plan things.  I love it when Sudheer decides we are going to go on an adventure for the day and won't tell me where we are going. He pretends he want to top up my oyster card for the following week and then leads me down the ramp and onto a waiting train.  While it makes me a tiny bit anxious the sheer joy and anticipation of adventuring with my love surpasses the anxiety. 

Modal Trigger

Leave the nagging to someone else.  His boss nags him at work, parents nagged him when he was a kid.  I'm a bit of a control freak, I like the room clean, things put away and order rather than chaos.  So yes I get a bit freaked out when clothes aren't in the hamper or there are a pile of papers on the desk. But I am trying to let it go and not nag.

Make him feel needed. We all want to feel needed, I know I can take care of myself I've done it for decades, but one of the great things about being married is I don't have to do it on my own anymore. I'm part of a team.  This is one of the hardest things for me to overcome. I have looked after myself and others for so long I don't know how to let someone look after me, but I'm trying.

Marriage comes first.  Yes by all means have a career and friends that you see you need that, but marriage is important too. Make time to enjoy time with each other. Go away on a romantic weekend here and there. Just because you said I do doesn't mean the romance has to die.  Make an effort to put your marriage first.  

Say I love you and thank you often.  I have the most amazing husband, he is supportive and kind.  I try to tell him I love you every chance I get and when he goes out of his way to get me something I have been eyeing I always say thank you. I don't say it because I feel I have to. I tell him thank you because I want him to genuinely know that I appreciate everything he does for me. 

I'm not the 1950s wife. I don't wear and apron, I don't stand by the door with a drink in hand waiting for him to get home, I don't iron his clothes for work and I don't offer to take off his shoes for him.

I'm still finding myself as a wife just as he's finding himself as a husband, but we're doing it together.  In this day and age, getting married isn't the accomplishment, staying happy and married is.  I know we will have our arguments, and disagreements. There will be times when things aren't perfect and lovely but it said in the vows in good times and in bad. We will weather any storm that life brings our way.  It took almost 40 years to find my soul mate, I don't plan on letting him go anytime soon.

To My Younger Self

If I had a time machine and could go back to any point in my life for a "do over" when would that be? A couple of pinnacle points definitely come to mind.  High school comes to mind, I was such an awkward teen, but then again weren't we all? I would of course want the mind I have now, and I would try to participate in more things, instead of being that invisible wall flower that the world passed by. I'd have studied harder, tried out for more plays, solos in the choir, maybe even sports. I'd have actually listened to my teachers when they tried to give life advice instead of rolling my eyes and wondering if I could ever be as "old" as they seemed.
I would go back to the day my grandfather passed away and booked a flight home to be with family instead of having to deal with it on my own. (It was a complicated time).
I would go back to the moment before I pushed my brother down the stairs dislocating his shoulder and tell myself not to do it.
So many little things in life I would change, but then I wonder how would it affect the present me?
In reality I wouldn't go back to change anything specifically after all, each moment of my life has shaped the present me. What I would do however is go back and talk to my 25 year old self.  At 25 I still didn't know what I wanted to do with my life (I had ideas, I just didn't know how to get there), didn't think I would ever get married (thanks for that mormon culture), and was barely scraping by in life.
I don't think the 25 year old me would even recognise the now almost 40 (GASP!) year old me.  This is what I would say.....
Don't settle, your better than you think you are, and stop listening to that voice inside your head telling you that you can't do things. You can! One day you will go to England and get a masters degree, you will make friends who become sisters from all over the world.  One day you will be married and living in London, one day your career will take off.  Yes there are going to be bumps along the way and heartache that you must endure, but these things will make you stronger.  Take time now and spend it with family, especially your grandparents one day they will be gone and you will miss them. Don't worry so much about taking care of everyone else, its ok to sometimes be a little selfish and want something for yourself.  Get healthy now! Don't make me do it when I'm almost 40.  Eat more veg and less pizza and for the love of all that is holy stop eating so many gummy bears! Enjoy life, laugh when you can, cry when your sad, be happy.  Life has a lot to offer but only if you reach out and grab it, don't let it pass you by.

Transitions...

So I've spent the last 6 months kissing my husband goodbye as he goes off to work and go, well... no where really. Ok thats not entirely true, the first six weeks was all about wedding planning and I spent most of the time in the car with my new mother in law going to Southall for wedding related things. There were drives to the venue, meetings with the caterers, and all the little bit and bobs that wedding planning entails.  After the wedding was our 3 days mini moon in Bath, which was lovely! After that, Sudheer went back to work and I had to figure out what do to with myself. I spent a lot of the time going out on day trips to London visiting various museums. British Museum, V&A, Natural History Museum, etc.  I also spent time working on my video editing skills, watching tutorials and practicing. I also did a lot of reading and anxiously waiting for my husband to come home.  Then came the visa application, that took up time as my father in law and I worked on the seemingly endless application.  The day of the interview finally arrived and it was success! Britain is letting me stay until December 2019.  The day of the interview we had a celebration with a British lunch consisting of scotch eggs, quiche, victoria sponge and everything else my brother in law could find in the gluten free section of M&S that was British. It was a lovely surprise and an afternoon I will forever cherish.  He also sent me upstairs to my room to "find" his phone he had left upstairs.  What I found instead was loads of red and blue balloons, a mug, umbrella, and a wonderful card welcoming me into the family and as a resident of Britain. Needless to say I cried, I just found it so touching that they would go to so much trouble for me.
After a lovely lunch, I went straight upstairs to begin my search for a job.  55 applications and about 30 days later and I finally got an interview.  Part time maternity cover for a collections position at the Horniman.  I was a nervous wreck the morning of the interview and the travel didn't go nearly as smooth as hoped or planned.  The train was delayed, and google lied the night before and instead of only a 10 minute walk it was a 20 minute walk to the office.  Lucky for me my super planner husband had timed for me to get there extra early, which worked in the end to be right on time.  With blisters on my toes and heels and butterflies in my tummy I got through the interview and made my way back to Croydon via WHSmith for plasters.  I felt the interview had gone well enough but didn't really have any hopes of actually getting the job.
Imagine my surprise when I got a call just over a week ago offering me the position! Me? They wanted me? And while I am excited to finally be working and earning my keep, I have to wonder will I be good enough? I've been out of the work force for 6 months now, how will I transition back in? What is the commute going to be like? I've never had to commute further than a few miles for a job before. This is going to be clear across London! I have to take the train and a tube.  Both which still feel quite foreign to me.  I look at it as an adventure and another step in my transition to British life.

28 miles in 24 hours

I know I always write about the differences between Idaho and London when I post. I suppose it has to do with the fact that in transition from American life to British life in still in that phase of seeing everything that is different.

My post this time is about finding something that is universal. Cancer... not the happiest of topics, but think about it is there anyone in this big wide world that hasn't been affected by cancer? Whether its first hand experience, watching a loved one battle the disease, friends, neighbours, everyone has been touched by one way or another by this awful disease. 

Every year I have participated in Relay for Life to raise money for cancer research in the hopes that one day we could live in a world where cancer doesn't exist. I've sold popcorn, baked cookies, hosted film nights, and walked countless hours raising awareness and money for cancer research. I feared last year was my last year as I was moving to the UK in early 2017. Something that had been such a big part if my life wasn't going to be anymore.

Imagine my surprise when my new cousin Amit approached me at a family gathering and asked me to join his Relay for Life team. Finally something that was familiar to me! Raising money to kick cancers butt and staying awake walking for 24 hours because cancer never sleeps. 

So I joined the team of family (Amit, Maanik, Aseem, Rishi, and Jen) I didn't really know at all and set out to raise money. It wasn't easy and I didn't raise a ton (only £370) but I was doing what was familiar. 

The day of the event arrived and I was extremely nervous. I didn't know anyone very well and my husband was only going to be there a few hours before having to leave me on my own. I cried when a box of fairy cakes were dropped, panicked when trying to pack everything I would need, and shed tears when I had to say goodbye to my husband, I very nearly didn't stay at the event. I felt like such an outsider in the team and didn't have anyone I really knew and my anxiety was playing up something fierce. But I knew I would forever regret not staying and fighting for a caused I believe in. I got back to our canopy with tears still in my eyes and a very kind and wonderful Aseem auntie gave me a hug and told me everything would be ok because I was there with family. And you know what it was ok! It was just like any other relay I had done. We walked in pairs talking to pass the time, I got to know my new family even better, and I raised money for cancer research. There were themed laps that were so much fun to do, we honoured survivors, we remembered those that lost their battles, and united to fight cancer. The track lined with luminaria bags was just as beautiful and moving here as it was in Pocatello.  The lap of silence was just as emotional as that same lap I did in Idaho each year. Cancer is everywhere, it affects everyone. No matter what continent I live on I will continue to relay and raise money in the hopes that one day cancer will be curable.  It's a fight, but I'll keep going. One step at a time.

For the Love of Mexican Food!

Okay so I said in my last post that I missed the stars more than anything, and that still holds true however in a close second place at the moment is Mexican food. Tacos (and I mean the good ones in a soft corn tortilla with pork and a little salsa), posole like my Uncle Agustin used to make, tamales, the list can go on but its making my stomach growl so I will stop there.
The Brits get a lot of things right, but unfortunately Mexican food isn't one of them.  Let me tell you about my first experience with British tacos (pronounced with a hard A like in apple), they were comprised of soft flour tortillas (ok, but come on corn is best - the soft not that crunchy American ones) ground turkey (which is fine, it works in a pinch), British cheddar (again ok), tomatoes (we're good), and rotini pasta.  Hold up wait rotini pasta? In a taco? Yep that's were it all went wrong. Now I'm not saying it wasn't tasty because surprisingly it was ok.  I wouldn't call it Mexican, maybe British tacos?
Second Mexican meal in the UK, Wahaca.  This was pretty good I have to say, they had soft corn tortillas and slow cooked pork. I think they have adjusted the recipes for a British palate though, it just didn't have the same flavours I have grown up with.  But while not as good as homemade I did enjoy it. Cocktails weren't bad either.
Third Mexican meal, Chilangos, this is very similar to the chains in America like Costa Vida and Chipotle. Again not authentic, but very tasty.  They have a slow cooked pork belly that is to die for and the guacamole is pretty tasty.  The only downfall they don't do street tacos which was go to at Costa Vida.  I can however get a tasty burrito bowl (minus the flour tortilla wrap) that satiates my craving for Mexican flavours in a pinch.
The short of this post? I'm craving good authentic Mexican food like my aunt and uncle used to make.  Those slow cooked beans, fresh tortillas, sopas, posole, the list goes on.  At the very least if I could just get my hands on some corn tortillas I might just survive....

The Stars at Night?!?!

If your in North America you play Clue, but if you live in the UK you play Cluedo.  Whats with the name difference its the same bloody game isn't it? Colonel Mustard did it with the pipe in the conservatory right?  Apparently its a mash up of the word clue and the Latin word ludo meaning I play.

I find so many difference living in the UK and I'm not going to lie I'm experiencing a bit of culture shock.  Culture shock can happen moving from one side of America to the other, so of course moving from one English speaking country to another its going to happen.  Of course there is the change in vocabulary, its not a zucchini its a courgette, an egg plant is an aubergine, and sidewalks are referred to as pavement.  Houses don't have air conditioning, and the back yard is a garden.  Sometimes I find it so frustrating, other times I find it amusing.  I guess its all part of adjusting to my new home.

I moved from the small city of Pocatello with a population of roughly 54,000 give or take, the population of Idaho as a state about 1.6 million. The population of London is almost 9 million!   That's like 6 Idahos???  The diversity is amazing though, name the food and you can probably get it here in London. I've had Lebanese, Indian, Caribbean, and South African just to name a few, and I've seen countless others. Walking along the pavement in London I can hear at least half a dozen different languages being spoken.  Transportation runs 24/7, there are so many places to go and things to do, and the history of this city, it is all just amazing!

So with all this diversity and excitement is there anything I can possibly miss about little Pocatello?  The top of the list is the stars.  Looking up into the night sky in London I often wonder, "are there still stars out there? We aren't living in this episode of Doctor Who where the stars go out are we? And if we are, where is the Doctor???"  I think that's one of the biggest adjustments to living in London.  Its never truly dark.  The city always has this light illuminating the horizon.  Standing on my bed in the loft I can see the city skyline and the constant light it emits. It does have a beauty all its own don't get me wrong, but I miss laying on my back and looking up at the millions of twinkling lights above me, looking for constellations and passing satellites.  I could always find the big and little dipper, Cassiopeia, Orion, and Draco.

I've been told all I have to do is go to Scotland or Wales to see mountains and I'm sure I could see stars as well.  They won't be my mountains or stars and perhaps I can borrow them for awhile, but will they be anything like this???

Yankee Doodle Dandy

I'm a yankee doodle dandy.... we all know the song at least we Americans do. And as the holiday draws near and I find myself once again in the UK (this time permanently), I have to wonder, do I still celebrate Independence Day? On the 4th of July millions of Americans will gather together to grill hamburgers/hotdogs and light fireworks.
As a child I remember being terrified of fireworks and I remember one particular year standing inside my grandparents kitchen crying with my ears covered while my family was outside watching roman candles light up the sky.  As I got older and my fear dissipated I always looked forward to three things on the 4th of July.  The parade, my grandmothers macaroni salad, and fireworks.
I never thought of the day as a celebration of America's independence from England (maybe this is in part of my mum's Native American heritage or we were just bad Americans), it was more of a celebration of family and the blessings we had been given. Yes we gave thanks that we lived in the land of the free and the home of the brave; and a nod was always given to the military for their service past, present, and future.  I remember every year standing with my hand over my heart as the flag went past at the beginning of the parade, the national guard walking in perfect unison; men taking off their hats in respect, and the absolute silence.  Those that had served in the military standing just a bit taller with pride and with a glimmer of a tear in the their eyes.  Perhaps because they had fought for the freedom that we so easily took for granted.
I'm not ashamed to be American even with the political exploits of our new president, but I have to wonder how does an American celebrate Independence day in the UK? The country from which they gained independence from all those many years ago?  Do I wear my Old Navy American flag t-shirt and head to the local park to grill a hotdog? Can I light fireworks in my own back garden? Or is it simply now just another day of the week?  I don't know.  Either way I will most assuredly miss "the biggest show in Idaho" and its mesmerizing display of lights in the starry sky while patriotic music plays in the back ground.
For me, the 4th of July will forever remind me of the smell of burgers grilling on a summers day, the sound of a marching band playing the Star Spangled Banner, and the beautiful sight of fireworks illuminating the night sky.