I'll Just Call it Turkey Day!

Moving to the UK I thought perhaps I would leave this holiday back in America, my husband convinced me to share the holiday with my family here in London.  Thanksgiving is strange holiday.  We prepare a huge feast and eat until we are stuffed all in the memory of those first settlers who came to America on the Mayflower and nearly died had it not been for the indigenous people who saved the colonists.  The story goes that in 1621 the Plymouth colonists and the Wampanoag Indians shared a feast to celebrate the autumn harvest thus marking the first Thanksgiving. The harvest would not have been possible if the Wampanoag has not taught the colonists what plants were edible, how to grow crops, fish in the rivers, extract sap from trees, etc.  For decades following this, individual colonies and states celebrated days of thanksgiving.   In 1863 in the midst of civil war President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national holiday known as Thanksgiving to be held each November.   Today we acknowledge the 4th Thursday of each November as Thanksgiving.   

This is the story we are taught from the tender age of five, we bring home pilgrim hats made of construction paper, colour turkeys made from our hand prints, and as a grand finale of the holiday school children put on a production portraying that first Thanksgiving.  What a bunch of hooey!!!  This narrative we are taught and reminded of year after year paints a perfect and happy portrait of relations between the Wampanoag and the colonists.  It completely glosses over the long and bloody conflict between the Native Americans and European settlers.  A conflict that has resulted in the death of millions!  For Native Americans the 4th Thursday of November severs as a day to remember the disease, racism, and oppression the European settlers brought.  It is a day to remember and mourn the loss of millions of lives during the centuries of conflict between the Native people and the settlers.  We were sold a myth about the first Thanksgiving from a very young age.   In reality the colonists rewarded the kindness of the Native American peoples kindness by enslaving many and trying to carry out genocide on the rest.

My mum and I, I  think have always struggled with this holiday.  Being part European and part Native American its a struggle to come to terms with the holiday.  One part wants to celebrate the other part wants to mourn.  The only way I have found to cope with this holiday is to acknowledge both sides.  I am grateful for the kindness my Native ancestors showed to my white ancestors and I mourn for my Native American ancestors who were enslaved, ravaged by disease and war, and died.  I do not celebrate what my white ancestors did to my native ancestors but I do acknowledge it.  What I do celebrate is a year of successful harvests.  I give thanks that I have a roof over my head, food in my belly, and good health.  I give thanks to my ancestors for their strength, their courage, and their sacrifice.  I give thanks for my family and for all that I have.

Unemployed, Ashamed, and Disheartened

Even if you are one of the happiest people full of hope and generally optimistic about life, searching for a job can be painful, depressing and down right soul sucking. Especially when it takes longer than you expect to find that new job. 

I have found that one of the most difficult things to handle is the uncertainty of everything. I don't know when this search is ever going to end! Granted I am extremely fortunate to be living at home with my husband (who is employed full time thankfully) and his parents so I'm not constantly stressing about how to pay rent/mortgage, etc.  But what kills me is I don't know how hiring managers are reacting to my cv, do they just plain hate it? Am I really not good enough? Is it because I'm American? What is it!!! 

Rejections are so disheartening:

So I recall reading that the average job posting gets 300+ applications.  So essentially I'm competing against 299 other people for the same position. We've all been to school, done the training and are now all desperately vying for the same jobs. I know that rejection is all part of the process and eventually I am going to get an email that isn't a rejection but its is difficult to not feel bad about myself when I get rejection after rejection.

There is also this constant feeling of being unwanted.  Job = acceptance, acceptance = wanted, wanted = valuable.  If your offered a job, it means that there are people out there that say "hey, your talented and we want you to be part of this company because we think that you are great".  If no one is offering you a job what does that mean? 

I've also found that I feel ashamed for being unemployed. Family and friends ask me how work is going and I instantly put my head down and murmur that I' still looking. They give the usual response of "something will come along", "have you thought about just taking any old job", "keep trying", "have you applied to very many".  Its embarrassing!  There are times when I don't want to visit family or friends because I don't want to have to explain that I'm still an unemployed loser.  

Looking for a job is a full time job, I spend on average 9 hours a day (five sometimes six days a week) combing job sites, writing out cover letters and customising my cv to match the job description.  So to work 40+ hours a week and see nothing positive come from it for months on end (i.e.a job) its is disheartening and wearing me down.  I have gone from a confident museum professional with years of experience ready to tackle the next project to someone that is wondering if she's even good enough to work at McDonalds.